I’ve given much thought to what makes a healthy relationship and what makes an unhealthy relationship, as I am sure many others have.  Whether its your relationship with your husband, wife, brother, sister, mother or son, at some point some of our relationships can be a strain.

So, what, you might ask, is the tipping point that makes a healthy relationship unhealthy and when is it time to get out or cut ties?

At the end of the day, if you ARE wondering what makes your relationship healthy or not, the first question you want to ask yourself is: ‘How do you see the future of your relationship and do you easily see them in it?’  Trust your gut instinct on this …Do you see yourself happy with them overall and do they fit with your lifestyle? Or do you see yourself arguing about the same things over and over again until arguing is pretty much all you do? While it is reasonable to expect that one person shouldn’t make you happy or ‘complete you’,  they shouldn’t make your life completely miserable either.

Another way to know if your in a healthy relationship is if you are allowed to be yourself and they are allowed to be themselves. In other words, is there an unconditional love established where both of you feel safe and secure? Do you validate each other and can you have a satisfying intellectual conversations? A healthy relationship also isn’t about power and control. When considering these things, remember to keep in mind that while it is great to have some of the same goals in life (and no ‘deal breakers’ in romantic relationship), differences can be good and make life interesting.

On the flip side, there are signs you need to recognize that you are in a unhealthy relationship. These symptoms are the opposite of what a healthy, loving relationship is. An unhealthy relationship is one where seeing the other person is unpleasant, you don't feel heard or validated, and you feel very uncomfortable in general. Even if you can understand where they are coming from and see why they are doing the things they are doing, it is very hard for you to be happy when you are in an unhealthy relationship.

While these are the basic, and most simplistic, ways of knowing if you are in a satisfying/ healthy relationship or an unhealthy relationship, not all relationships are perfect or what we want them to be exactly. And not all ties are easily cut. Trying to mend relationships (in most relationships that aren’t toxic or abusive) is a good way to go, especially if small kids need to be considered.  Talking to an unbiased third party is one way you can do that and will help you feel validated again.

If you’d like to talk about what makes a healthy relationship healthy or how to mend broken bonds, give me a call and I can help you with what your going through or be your supportive ear to talk to. Want to add to what you think makes a healthy/ unhealthy relationship? Feel free to respond below. I look forward to hearing from you.