When a person who hasn't dated in a long while comes in contact with someone who has taken an interest in them, they tend to jump the gun. DON'T!!!!!! Take your time to really see what that person is really willing to offer. Women, don't chase, men, good women like to be chased. Just my perspective.
It's been two years and two months since I had a relationship. I dated once or twice, but nothing serious. I wasn't looking to get into another serious relationship with anyone. That said, it doesn't mean that I did not feel lonely or that I didn't want companionship, I wanted it, I just wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready to think objectively, nor was I able to see things clearly. I went on a relationship detox to reestablish my sense of self and worth. I had to make sure that I was certain as to who I was, and what I had done to change that in the relationship. It helped! My standards have changed (code for higher standards). I am absolutely certain as to the qualities I want in a man, and that I myself am reflecting those qualities.
I wasn't ready then, and no matter how many guys approached me, I wasn't going to jump back into the game without having a clear head and a gameplan. I am ready and armed to the teeth.
Moral of the story, jump back into dating and relationships, when you, and only you can determine this, are good and damn ready.
My ex-husband, his wife, and I are great friends, but it wasn't always like that. For the first several years after our divorce, I wanted nothing to do with him. He had done some things to me that I couldn't forgive, but eventually I did. One day his wife sought me out, asking questions that sounded familiar because they were the same questions I once asked myself about him.
Seven years later, we all talk about everything and anything. I thank God that he made that possible, because as it turns out, he has become a great listener. Something he was terrible at when he and I were together. I'm glad he's changed, because he has great woman by his side and they are about to have twin boys. I am excited for them!
Moral of the story, sometimes lovers make better friends than lovers, or spouses. Don't be afraid to reach out to exes, because you may find that they do have the answers to your questions and may be able and willing to help you, like I was. You'll never know until you talk to them. People can and do change.
For a long time Fantasia's "Baby Mama" song was my theme song, because everything she said was, and still is true. Having moved to a new country, makes it even more so. Single mothers go through HELL trying to make ends meet, sacrificing what they don't have left to make things happen for the family.
Tonight, my kids got on my last nerve, with their ungrateful behavior. They don't understand what mom is doing to make sure they have food in their bellies every day, electricity, tv, water, everything. I lashed out. I am a single mother, in a new country, with no family, limited help, and in medical school. Money is tight, strangling actually. What am I doing to help myself? What am I not doing? I have this to help me earn some money, I am uploading videos to youtube, I tweet, three blogs including this one, and I find the time to go to the US Embassy to do at least a half's day work...all in my attempt to create supplemental income while I am here in medical school so that they don't want for nothing, only to be slapped in the face repeatedly everyday with their behavior.
What is my solution to this? I am going to continue to hustle, to make sure my kids want nothing. I am going to continue to show them through my actions and by example that everything I do, I do it for them, but more importantly, I want to show them that if they ever find themselves in this same situation, that they don't have to resort to illegal or immoral means of sustainment. Most of all, I want them to see and learn to make better choices than I did so that they do not fall in my footsteps.
Single fathers are in the very same predicament.
I know that as long as I continue to lean on God he will continue to bless me and my family with the things we NEED more than with the things we WANT, at his own divine time.
Everyone has a dream, or the ultimate goal for this life. Some don't mind woeking towards it and never achieving it. Others, give up when it gets to hard. Most want it given to them, without putting in the work. Your achievements will mean more to you, if you put your blood, tears, and sweat into it. In other words, put for maximum effort, don't be afraid to make sacrifices, just don't make any in vain. What are your goals? What sacrifices are you willing to make to achieve them?
Hello Ether community! Sorry for my long absence. There have been some drastic changes that have kept me from communicating with you. I find myself overseas again on a new adventure. However, I am alsways able to make time for anyone who needs an ear, a shoulder, anything within the scope of my abilities.
Currently, my kids are struggling with adjusting to a new country, a new language, new everything. I find that I too need someone to talk to. Despite that fact, there is something that I have learned, and must share. I have been leaning heavily on God for the support that I so desperately need. He has answered all of my prayers, he has consoled me through all of my sorrows, and has provided when I thought I was at the end of my rope. He has been more than great. He can do that for you too.
In the beginning it is hard. I had, and at times still, doubt. As time goes by and I learn more, my trust in him grows. Nothing is easy at first, but he is a patient God, and he will give you all the time in the world.
If that isn't your cup of tea, what works for you?
How often do we hear that someone can't let go after a break-up? Many of you think that happens only with women, women, some of believe it is the men. It's both! In case some of you didn't know, men love just as hard as women. They have trouble accepting the break-up just as much as women do, especially if they weren't the ones that did the breaking up. However, that doesn't mean that you or they have the right to treat each other like dirt! If you have children in the middle, even less. What happens between you has nothing to do with you all being parents together. That is separate, it has to be kept separate. Take the time you need to make the transition from being lovers to being friends for the children's benefit. It is possible, if you want it to be possible, other wise your are just being stubborn for no good reason. It is a choice. Make the effort to achieve that, and you will be grateful you did, your kids will too.
Valentine's Day is on the horizon and there are people who may not have a special someone. Do not despair! Valentine's Day is about love, not just for your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend, but for everyone including yourself. Open your mind to those around you, listen to what they are saying and thinking. You may be pleasantly surprised to find out that you are not the only single person celebrating this day alone. Have a singles get together and have fun! You can't find someone if you don't put yourself out there. Keep in mind, in order for someone to love you, or even like you, you have to love and like yourself. Spend this day of love with friends, family, and children.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
No one person feels more overwhelmed than the next. We all have our thresholds, and when those thresholds are pushed to the limit, that is the feeling we get. We cannot gauge other people's limits according to our own. We have to be considerate, and at times compassionate for that person and their ordeal.
Now as the person going through this, we cannot push those who want to help us away all because we are stressed. That is a defense mechanism that alot of us unconsciously use to "protect" ourselves. It's doesn't help! God is never going to put more on us than we can bear. When I was going through my own drama, I was constantly reminded by my church family that God will bring us to it, and he will bring us through it. So...if you feel like you are about to go under, pray and leave it in the hands of God, but more importantly, leave it there and be patient. He will respond...on his time.
Family is supposed love you and support you unconditionally, but we don't all have it that good. There are people who at times have no choice but to rely on their family, but that may sometimes become a daunting thing. In my experience, my parents have offered to help me with my kids while I go away for the military, only to retract their helping hand or setting conditions for their help. Help from family should never come at a price! If you are having this type of problem, maybe the alternative is to build an extended family from friends.
I got feed up with paying the price for help, so much so that I began hosting "mommy nights" so that all the mothers I know can come together to share good times, get to know each others children, and support one other in times of need. Reach out!
For New Year's I hung out with a friend that was feeling lonely. We drank and talked for hours, at some point she stopped and she she said,"I like to talk as you can see, and you are just listening, not saying much, but I'm gonna keep talking," that was ok with me.
While I do have a medical and legal background, I am not a trained professional therapist. What I do have, is a lot of experience in life, I have been in abusive relationaships, I have been manipulated by both men and family, I am a single mom struggling to make ends meet and still live by example for my kids, and finally I want to share all the lessons I have learned from my struggles. I had very little support from family and friends that surround me. The few times I did receive help, was because I practically had to beg.
I found that many times I did not have anyone who would just listen to my frustrations, or to advise me not lecture me. I have even turned to my pastor, who no longer is my pastor, I feel that he failed to address my concerns, he only THOUGHT I wanted confirmation about my decisions. I wanted to talk about what I was going through and the options I had available at the time. He was too busy. So, for those of you who think you are alone, your not, at least I don't want you to be.
I didn't start dating until I was in my junior year in high school. I came late to the game, I blame some of my mistakes on that. I married way to young, 19, to man that truned out to be a boy, mentally. Of course like any other person in love, I didn't see all of his boyish tendencies until after we were married. I made excuses for his behavior, for how treated me, for his inability to keep a job! I hid all of these things from my family, not out of shame, but out of disgust with myself for putting up with such a worthless man.
Here is the thing, both men and women make excuses for the things their significant others do that either embarasses them or really irritates them and those people they come in contact with. New flash!!! You can't! People will see right through that sorry excuse for cover. Do you honestly think that the people around you will ignore what they are witnessing and just accept your excuse for their behavior? Just thoroughly think about it...open your eyes and your senses to what is actually in front of you and STOP MAKING EXCUSES! That is who you chose to be with.