As you might imagine, I’m often asked by heart-broken clients,
“Why can’t I get over this guy/girl? Do you know when I’m going to
stop crying, obsessing, feeling horrible, depressed and down on
This is an equal opportunity agony! Age, sex, cultural
heritage, religion, profession, self confidence make no difference.
We’re all the same,
“Why does so-and-so adhere to my soul like crazy glue? I dream
about them, worry about their welfare, think about them every minute of
the day despite how little regard they have towards me. What is WRONG
with me!? Am I nuts? Are they coming back?”
In a desperate bid to negotiate an explanation, people jump to all
manner of irrational conclusions, such as, they knew this person in
another life and divine providence has reunited them for another shot at
bliss which their deserter has failed to notice YET. This explanation
is especially compelling if their meeting was synchronistic, or they
share a psychic connection. I always doubt this interpretation and
usually when rationality returns, the rejected see why this explanation
There are two primary emotions that comprise the trunk of our emotional
tree. Fear and love. The rest of our emotions are like branches and
suckers that grow off this dual, primary emotional train. Fear and love
are opposite emotions and we shouldn’t be feeling them both at the same
time. If we do, it signals a mental illness that needs special
attention and healing. Sado-masochism, co-dependency and self-pity, for
example, are symptoms when we feel both love and fear simultaneously.
Many mistakenly believe we cannot feel hate and love at the same time,
but we can and typically do because they are the flip side of the same
emotional coin. We do feel hate towards those we deeply love. Remember
how you felt about your parents when you were a teenager?
When we are having difficulty letting go of that forever-after-dream of
the love we shared with someone, we are operating under two illusions:
One is that you can help that person defeat their limiting,
relationship/commitment fears which will open the channels to allow the
love to flow back in again. Even utilizing all the power accessible to
you in the universe, you cannot make another want to take a risk or make
a commitment to you.
People ask me, “What can I (or better yet you, Kathleen) do to change their feelings towards me?”
I often smile to myself about how easy it is to understand this apparent
mean-spirited one-sidedness when it comes to ourselves. Hasn’t someone
burned hot for you, yet for whatever reason left you feeling cold,
indifferent and maybe even, dare I say… a tad repulsed?
Is there ANYTHING they could have done to ignite your fire? Is there
anything they could have said or changed about themselves that would
have spurred you to wax poetic? No? Or better yet would you want this
person to have access to a Magician that could alter your feelings
towards them? What a terrifying thought!
Your love interest doesn’t really know how they feel and once you’ve
awakened them (like Sleeping Beauty) they will realize they do truly
love you. There are sly and sneaky people who will promise to help you
awaken your love interest to their true feelings for you for a modest or
horrendous fee. Don’t be fooled. No one has the power to make someone
love you. Only we have the power to change ourselves and even that is
questionable when we can’t even make ourselves get over someone that
clearly doesn’t share our feelings!
Don’t feel abnormal or crazy because you love someone more than they
love you and can’t seem to stop. That was the risk you were willing to
embrace. Be excited about your bravery, honesty and willingness to be
vulnerable. That is the gift of love. Know that by keeping up the faith
and giving of yourself so generously and lovingly, some day another
will catch your light and rush towards its glow with the same
abandonment in which you are prepared to give.
The Dream of a Deep and Abiding Intimacy
desire to connect is powerful in us – its one of those hard-wired
aspects of our psyche that is linked to survival, reproduction and
The most helpful thing you can do to help yourself recover from this
unshared love is to pray for the subject of your desire. Pray for their
happiness, good health and spiritual enlightenment. Send them your
love (not by texting, NO texting!). One day you’ll wake up and realize
you have moved on and that sexy, sweet smiling person you met the other
day…is wondrously taking up more and more of your psychic space.
Celebrate your ability to love that deeply and unselfishly. It’s a
bounty of your abiding and generous spirit. It’s what makes you special
and to be chosen to be the conduit of this special love is a divinely
inspired gift. Don’t despair! It’s not a sign that you’re crazy at all
but rather one that you’re transformational and enlightened.
to you Kathleen and your special gift I will do my best to be
strong and welcome change. Thanks a lot. You helped me a lot to
start to accept things that happened. I’m sorry I got emotional.
You gave me clarification and reminded me to be careful of my
decisions. When I hung up the phone I thought of my dreams. Twice I
dreamed of a woman who was in the dark and I don’t see her
face…everything is dark.
You have a very warm heart and I will keep in mind your advice. Thanks a lot. I look forward to another reading.
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