Getting Ready for Valentines?
The most common conundrum clients bring to my reading space is the realm
of romantic love. Other love questions, such as those involving
offspring, parents, friends and siblings are also asked but it’s the
anguish of lovers that tops the list. Keeping my skewed perspective in
mind, in part due to the type of work I do, I’ve come to the conclusion
that monogamy is the issue that most commonly breaks apart couples yet
it’s one so rarely understood between a newly, budding couple. The
second most common cause of splitting up a couple is money. Neither of
these issues are discussed enough at the outset.
Random is Bogus
If you believe you will miraculously, by divine providence, fate and
random being at the right place at the right time to meet just the
perfect mate, please disabuse yourself of that notion. It’s so rare for
this to happen successfully, it has become the grist of legends.
Meeting the ideal mate is going to take careful planning and curating,
exploration, research and intense inner work. Just ask any one of the
millions who have gone through a divorce in the past year. Random is
Always keep in mind that spirit doesn’t CARE if you partner with the
nastiest individual in the world or end up living on the streets in
bone-crushing poverty. Both afford great suffering, thereby garner the
best opportunities to develop spiritually and soulfully. The Spirit
World doesn’t CARE about your manifested life here – Spirit is keen on
the health and strength of your spirit and that doesn’t involve insuring
your wealth, having excellent health all your life or meeting Mr/Ms
Right. That’s ALL up to you.
Don’t Have Sex Too Soon
Monogamy means having sex with one person exclusively. It continues to
hold value in most people’s minds, but many don’t know how to initiate a
discussion about it to a new partner. Will they think I’m pushing the,
“let’s have a relationship” issue? If you are worried that the
question will be perceived as asking for a commitment, you should also
always include a caveat that you are not asking for the sake of
commitment but rather for health. I never met a man in my life who was
so desirable he was worth dying of aids for. Not one.
I would also add a few other bits of advice. First on the list, don’t have sex too soon. I know! What a party pooper.
What is the right amount of time to have been dating before having sex?
My advice is no sooner than a minimum of a dozen dates. This will
afford both of you opportunity to explore and have fun!
No sense in going forward if you’re both not on the same page regarding
monogamy. I recommend that if you are a woman, you never raise this
issue. Ever. That’s a topic a man needs to raise and if he doesn’t, as
a woman, know that it’s not important to him. The more important
monogamy is to you as a woman, the more crucial it is that you NEVER are
the one to raise it. For obvious reasons.
Beauty and the Rich Guy
Finding our one and only is complicated. Typically, we have almost no
clue what it is we’re seeking in a mate. Women will often extoll the
virtues of a man who is gentle, considerate, good natured, and
reasonably attractive. As if these top the list. A man will extoll how
vital it is that she’s warm, easy going and good natured.
“His financial success is irrelevant?”, I ask a little tongue in cheek?
“An unemployed, homeless guy who is sensitive and considerate is
fine?”, I ask?
“It’s okay if she’s not in shape?”, I ask male clients also a little
tongue in cheek? “A woman who admits to being overweight, with a facial
skin disorder who is warm and easy going is fine?”, I ask?
Sometimes his wealth tops the list, but the means in which he
accumulated the wealth may be irrelevant until you find out he’s a drug
dealer and his friends are dodgy and scary.
Sometimes beauty tops the list of my male clients until he finds out she
spends $1000 a month on her beauty regimen and her income is in the
$35,000 a year range which has resulted in some rather huge debt load.
I also point out to most of my single clients that finding the mate to
settle down with is serious business. You are going to share everything
with this person. Your family, your body, your money, your friends,
your career and your future.
Take Your Time, Do Your Research
Sharing our lives with another person who is our most favourite human in
the world is a wonder, joy and pleasure like no other. If you’re
searching, take your time. Do your research! Know yourself especially.
What keeps you excited or drives you to mind numbing boredom? What
terrifies, frustrates or repulses you? I met a woman who was married to a
man who ate copious amounts of garlic for health and after a while she
couldn’t stand the thought of even climbing into the same bed. You might
imagine this would be easily fixed, but it wasn’t and after a few years
she left him.
Consider carefully, what are your 3 topmost non-negotiables? What 3
characteristics can you realistically compromise and negotiate with? Is
diplomacy and kindness more important to you than honesty?
Be prepared to compromise because each positive brings with it a
negative. As you know it’s not the positives that we struggle to accept
but the negatives that inherently come with those positives.
I wish you a romantic and loving 2020!
Shortly after we moved back to Victoria, I
did a couple of lectures at our local Oak Bay library on dreams and the
writings of Carl Jung. Follow the links below to listen to pieces of
Email [email protected]
Skype Contact: kathleen.meadows
Cell Phone 778-433-9145
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